standing in the sand.

This song reminds me of summer, obvi.
Also, I'm sick as balls and not loving it, at all.
: (

you're all i need

I miss my friends : (

It's weeks like this that I really appreciate the friends I have here at home, and really miss the ones that don't live here!

All my girls live far away, like Katie who lives in Halifax and Lyndsay who lives in Vancouver! And it sucks that I didn't get to really see either of them this summer because of me living in Ontario. I'm going to try to go to Halifax to visit Katie, I've just been putting it off because I'm terrified of see Christopher and it being as awkward and weird as it was last time.

Seeing Lyndsay is another story, considering Vancouver is on the other side of the country : (. I really hope to maybe fly out there at the end of next summer for a week and fly to Europe from there. That's the plan at the moment, if plane tickets are not crazy expensive!

I miss my summer friends too : ( I can't wait to see them again next year, American Eagle was such an amazing experience and I loved working there and certainly miss working there, as well as the amazing employee discount, haha.

I just basically want to say to all my friends that I LOVE YOU!

beep beep boop beep boop

Oh dear.
All this staying up late every night, working more than I have in 2 days than I did some weeks in the summer, is totally starting to catch up. I'm damn tired, all the time.
Fuck, I've fallen asleep 3 times today in class. THREE TIMES! Lord, I'm a mess. hahaha.

back to the grind-stone.

So,
It's back to school time, and it's just wonderrffulllll.

First, I decided to transfer to the college in my hometown. I had all the paperwork filed out last June, called this school multiple times to make sure I was registered for the Sales & Marketing course for September 2008 and guess what? Surprise, surprise, I get here and I'm not registered ... or on any files even though I had already paid for my tuition and all other fees. OH, and to top it all off, they decided they weren't going to have the Sales & Marketing section this year. Thank-you very much for letting me know this in advance. Douchebags.

Now I'm stuck in courses I don't like, nor want to be in, completing a diploma that I also don't really want but am doing just to have 'something', living in a town I hate all for nothing.

Thank God for my friends & [sometimes] family, otherwise I doubt I would make it through the year.

near to you

I've learned recently that he hooked up with someone, and not telling me. I'm not sure if he's doing it on purpose, but I'm not someone he can fuck when I'm around and other people when I'm not. I'm supposed to stay at his house when I leave Ontario in two days, and I really hope that nothing does happen between us, that I'll be strong and say no. We're just friends, and it's probably better for the both of us if we keep it that way. This way, I won't get hurt when it ends again, and he's free to do as he pleases.

I've been listening to a lot of 'A Fine Frenzy' lately and one song, Near to You, really hits me. I need to just completely and udderly move on. I still feel like I want to make it work, like I want things just to go back to the way they were before I left. And I don't believe that it's going to be a healthy way of thinking for me. I love him, but it needs to be as a friend only and I'm sure over time, it's going to get easier and easier. I also feel like going to Europe will really help clear my mind and perspective on the whole situation in knowing what I want for me and my future. Here are the lyrics to that song, and this is the link to her myspace, http://www.myspace.com/afinefrenzy

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading suddenly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
Yet, I'm better near to you.