love is a place

Oh, le sigh.

Another amazing weekend in Halifax with him. We didn't get much alone time, but honestly, it really didn't matter. I find myself falling harder and harder every time I see him and that makes me so scared for the upcoming weeks.

The next time I go to Halifax will be the last time for two months.

The next time I go to Halifax could me the last for me and him.

I really wish the circumstances were different. I really wish I could force him to believe in us like I do. I know he deeply cares about me. He knows I deeply care about him. I wish I could help him see that long(er) distance won't be that bad for only two months and just because I'm moving home in September doesn't mean it's not doable. I just really do not want this to end.

Things never do go the way you wish they would.

As sad as I am about leaving, I'm actually kind of excited just to get the fuck away. I'm considering not going on MSN or facebook for a while while I'm there, just to get away from all the white noise and mess that seems to be happening. I need to lose myself in a new place with new people. Fuck, I don't even care about new people, I just need a change of pace in my life. A job, money coming in, freedom, the sun. Oh, how I want the sun. I'm sick of the rain, the cloudy days, the gloomy days when all you want to do is lay around and do nothing.

Going to Europe when I'm finished school is going to be the best thing for me, I think. I just really hope I do end up going through with it. I think I would be an excellent 'Au-Pair' for any wonderful family. I want to feel like I'm needed and make a difference in people's lives.

Well, I guess that's all for tonight.
I'm much too depressing for blog-writing, hahaha.
Another week of school and it's home for a couple days!
Woot, to having my dad's car this week though!!

Love,
B