2 weeks

I had a couple friends over for a 'farewell' bbq,
and while it wasn't super amounts of fun,
it was really great just to sit around with the girls and hang out.
I'm really going to miss them a lot but the more I think about it, the more I'm realizing just how good this trip is going to be for me. It's like a vacation away from everyone around me and I'll be able to get some thinking done, and figure out what I want to do with my life.

I know I want to travel and that I want to find someone who truly cares for me no matter what but I'm not sure if having both at the same time is really possible. I have him now, and he's absolutely amazing but I know I'm not strong enough to leave him for a year, if I do decide to go to Europe. And it's not that I don't think we could do it, it's just it would be a huge strain on any relationship, let alone one that started off as long distance.

I'm also starting to come to terms with this relationship ending. Well, I'm more or less bracing myself for what I'm sure will come in a 2 weeks before I leave. It's going to be really hard, but I've just got this gut feeling that he's going to end it. I'm going to be devastated, and so hurt but I do understand that I'm not the only person in this relationship and if one of us is hurting and unable to make it work, then it doesn't work at all and something needs to be done about it.

I'm already picturing the scene in my head:

'It's 9am and Bradley & John arrive at the bus station for the farwell,
Bradley: I'm really going to miss you, John.
John: I'm really going to miss you too, but I don't think this will work out.
Bradley: I know, and we tried, but I want you to be happy, and if this is the only way, then I'm afraid this is where it ends for us, I'll always care for you, John. Goodbye.
Bradley gets on the bus, takes one final look at John, and with a single tear rolling down his face, he walks the steps, takes his seat and readies himself for the longest 30min bus ride of his life'

Of course it's going to be nothing like that, but I can always hope ... right? It's basically going to be me, bawling and him feeling horrible. But I don't blame him and I certainly don't want to hold him back. I care about him too much to do that.

Well, I suppose I should get back to packing,
Night!!

Love,
B