love is a place

Oh, le sigh.

Another amazing weekend in Halifax with him. We didn't get much alone time, but honestly, it really didn't matter. I find myself falling harder and harder every time I see him and that makes me so scared for the upcoming weeks.

The next time I go to Halifax will be the last time for two months.

The next time I go to Halifax could me the last for me and him.

I really wish the circumstances were different. I really wish I could force him to believe in us like I do. I know he deeply cares about me. He knows I deeply care about him. I wish I could help him see that long(er) distance won't be that bad for only two months and just because I'm moving home in September doesn't mean it's not doable. I just really do not want this to end.

Things never do go the way you wish they would.

As sad as I am about leaving, I'm actually kind of excited just to get the fuck away. I'm considering not going on MSN or facebook for a while while I'm there, just to get away from all the white noise and mess that seems to be happening. I need to lose myself in a new place with new people. Fuck, I don't even care about new people, I just need a change of pace in my life. A job, money coming in, freedom, the sun. Oh, how I want the sun. I'm sick of the rain, the cloudy days, the gloomy days when all you want to do is lay around and do nothing.

Going to Europe when I'm finished school is going to be the best thing for me, I think. I just really hope I do end up going through with it. I think I would be an excellent 'Au-Pair' for any wonderful family. I want to feel like I'm needed and make a difference in people's lives.

Well, I guess that's all for tonight.
I'm much too depressing for blog-writing, hahaha.
Another week of school and it's home for a couple days!
Woot, to having my dad's car this week though!!

Love,
B

I'll be the one to keep you one-disaster-less.

Yay!

I'm going to Halifax tomorrow : )

I've probably gone to Halifax more weekends than I've actually stayed here but other than my roommates, I've got no one really here ... so when I go to Halifax, not only do I have John*, but also all of his friends, who I absolutely love!! They are so fun to be around and we always have a great time!

I'm really looking forward to spending time with John*, as I really want to make these last few weeks before I leave really count. All I can do is hope of the best, and deal with the situation when it comes. It all comes down to whether or not we can do the distance thing, especially with me moving back home in September, making it an 1.5hours away from him, bringing the grand total up to 4hours, which is quite the drive.

But let's see what else I can talk about beside him, haha.

I'm currently reading 'The Hours' by Michael Cunningham. I'm only a couple pages in but I can tell that I'm really going to like it. I really enjoy his style of writing and loved 'A Home at the End of the World'! I have yet to watch the movies for both those novels, but I'm afraid that seeing them on film may ruin them for me as in general movie adaptation of books rarely co-exist nicely.

I'm currently watching the second season of Six Feet Under. This series is so amazing!! It's witty, and cleaver but serious and demands the watcher to dig deeper into the meanings of the storyline. I'm in love with Lauren Ambrose's character, Claire. She's got that teenager attitude but I feel like she's quite mature for her age, and I'm sure part of that has to do with growing up with death being all around her. She's the rebellious one of the family, and I definitely relate to that, being the black sheep of my family as well.

(I was the one who crashed the car, got the piercings, got caught with alcohol, drugs and pornography ... all before the age of 17, haha)

Well, it seems that when I start writing these blogs, that I actually have more to say then I thought. I feels better getting some of these thoughts out of my head, and onto/into a place where they're easier visualized and understood. All the mumbo-jumbo in my brain doesn't really make sense, but writing them out almost forces me to truely think about the situations and reflect on what I really want.

I'll update again on Sunday night or Monday, whenever I can find the time, really. I hope everyone has an amazing weekend, : )

Love,
B