"You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?"
- Hear Me - Kelly Clarkson
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?"
- Hear Me - Kelly Clarkson
Ever sense Corey passed away, I've been so paranoid about everything. For example, I came home from Katie's last night and I was expecting my mom to be home, and I must have called her name like 10 times and she didn't answer. So many scenarios went through my mind and I started to panic. And I ran upstairs and called out once more, and it turns out she was in the washroom. I'm just so scared that someone else is going to leave me before I'm ready to let them go. I know I can't go on thinking like this, but I can't help think about it.
It's getting to the point where I'm afraid to go to sleep because I keep having dreams about the people I love dying. I passed out from being just exhausted at like 10:30pm last night and woke up really suddenly at 3:30am, and I'm not sure why I woke up like that but it had to have been my mind trying to tell me something. So I've been awake since then.
I feel really bad because I told Robyn I'd go to the wake with her today, but I really don't think I can do it. It was hard the first time, and I don't picture the second time being any easier. I want to see him again, and again and again. I'm not ready to let him be put away in the vault until spring when he's buried. I hate that about winter time. Every one is going to have feel all these emotions all over again when he is buried in the spring.
There are so many "I should have"s and "I wish"es. So many thing I wish I could have said. So many times that I should have called just to see what's up. So many things I could have done. I wish I hadn't taken advantage of that. There will be no more of that. I'm not going to regret not saying to someone I care about. The "I love you"s will be flowing freely from my mouth, heart and soul from these days forward.
I love you.
♥
B
It's getting to the point where I'm afraid to go to sleep because I keep having dreams about the people I love dying. I passed out from being just exhausted at like 10:30pm last night and woke up really suddenly at 3:30am, and I'm not sure why I woke up like that but it had to have been my mind trying to tell me something. So I've been awake since then.
I feel really bad because I told Robyn I'd go to the wake with her today, but I really don't think I can do it. It was hard the first time, and I don't picture the second time being any easier. I want to see him again, and again and again. I'm not ready to let him be put away in the vault until spring when he's buried. I hate that about winter time. Every one is going to have feel all these emotions all over again when he is buried in the spring.
There are so many "I should have"s and "I wish"es. So many thing I wish I could have said. So many times that I should have called just to see what's up. So many things I could have done. I wish I hadn't taken advantage of that. There will be no more of that. I'm not going to regret not saying to someone I care about. The "I love you"s will be flowing freely from my mouth, heart and soul from these days forward.
I love you.
♥
B
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