near to you

I've learned recently that he hooked up with someone, and not telling me. I'm not sure if he's doing it on purpose, but I'm not someone he can fuck when I'm around and other people when I'm not. I'm supposed to stay at his house when I leave Ontario in two days, and I really hope that nothing does happen between us, that I'll be strong and say no. We're just friends, and it's probably better for the both of us if we keep it that way. This way, I won't get hurt when it ends again, and he's free to do as he pleases.

I've been listening to a lot of 'A Fine Frenzy' lately and one song, Near to You, really hits me. I need to just completely and udderly move on. I still feel like I want to make it work, like I want things just to go back to the way they were before I left. And I don't believe that it's going to be a healthy way of thinking for me. I love him, but it needs to be as a friend only and I'm sure over time, it's going to get easier and easier. I also feel like going to Europe will really help clear my mind and perspective on the whole situation in knowing what I want for me and my future. Here are the lyrics to that song, and this is the link to her myspace, http://www.myspace.com/afinefrenzy

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading suddenly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
Yet, I'm better near to you.