Yay!
I'm going to Halifax tomorrow : )
I've probably gone to Halifax more weekends than I've actually stayed here but other than my roommates, I've got no one really here ... so when I go to Halifax, not only do I have John*, but also all of his friends, who I absolutely love!! They are so fun to be around and we always have a great time!
I'm really looking forward to spending time with John*, as I really want to make these last few weeks before I leave really count. All I can do is hope of the best, and deal with the situation when it comes. It all comes down to whether or not we can do the distance thing, especially with me moving back home in September, making it an 1.5hours away from him, bringing the grand total up to 4hours, which is quite the drive.
But let's see what else I can talk about beside him, haha.
I'm currently reading 'The Hours' by Michael Cunningham. I'm only a couple pages in but I can tell that I'm really going to like it. I really enjoy his style of writing and loved 'A Home at the End of the World'! I have yet to watch the movies for both those novels, but I'm afraid that seeing them on film may ruin them for me as in general movie adaptation of books rarely co-exist nicely.
I'm currently watching the second season of Six Feet Under. This series is so amazing!! It's witty, and cleaver but serious and demands the watcher to dig deeper into the meanings of the storyline. I'm in love with Lauren Ambrose's character, Claire. She's got that teenager attitude but I feel like she's quite mature for her age, and I'm sure part of that has to do with growing up with death being all around her. She's the rebellious one of the family, and I definitely relate to that, being the black sheep of my family as well.
(I was the one who crashed the car, got the piercings, got caught with alcohol, drugs and pornography ... all before the age of 17, haha)
Well, it seems that when I start writing these blogs, that I actually have more to say then I thought. I feels better getting some of these thoughts out of my head, and onto/into a place where they're easier visualized and understood. All the mumbo-jumbo in my brain doesn't really make sense, but writing them out almost forces me to truely think about the situations and reflect on what I really want.
I'll update again on Sunday night or Monday, whenever I can find the time, really. I hope everyone has an amazing weekend, : )
Love,
B
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I'll come back when you call me.
Things in my life never go as smoothly as I hope.
In September, I decided to move to a new city, and take a Business Administration program through a local community college. I told myself that this town was temporary and that meant that I was planning not to meeting someone and become attached and that I was going to focus on school, for once.
Then, in November, I meet John*.
He was my best friend, Kathleen*'s, roommate and as soon as I started talking with him online, I felt this weird connection. We just clicked, really well. We talked non-stop for a month and then finally met in person. The connection and chemistry was there and I wanted it to happen so bad, but he lives 2.5 hours away. So over Christmas break, my aunt offered me the chance to come live with her in Pickering, Ontario (45 minutes from Toronto) and I jumped at the chance to get out of the Maritimes.
Now, Five months later, John and I are still seeing one another every other weekend and I really do not want things to end. I'm so confused about what I want and what he wants and the more I want things to work out, the more I see that the odds are against us. He doesn't like the distance thing already but add in a couple more hours and however many miles and it's just that much worse. If it were 100% up to me, I would keep things going, but if he's just not in it with me, then there's no point.
He's so amazing though. I think that's what makes this so hard. When I'm with him, I feel like I'm a better person. I know this sounds stupid for only knowing him like for like six months, but I can't help it. He's smart, funny, kind, generous, the list really goes on and on. And I know it's stupid for me to say that I'll never find someone who makes me feel the way that he makes me feel, because I'm only 20 but what if I kind of don't want to find someone else? If I didn't sound like a love-struck cheerleader falling for the captain of the football team back in the 50's then I don't know what it was. haha.
I really just wish I could see into the future, just a couple of months .. just to see what happens, so I know enough to prepare myself for the heartache that seems inevitable.
Love,
B
*Names are changed.
In September, I decided to move to a new city, and take a Business Administration program through a local community college. I told myself that this town was temporary and that meant that I was planning not to meeting someone and become attached and that I was going to focus on school, for once.
Then, in November, I meet John*.
He was my best friend, Kathleen*'s, roommate and as soon as I started talking with him online, I felt this weird connection. We just clicked, really well. We talked non-stop for a month and then finally met in person. The connection and chemistry was there and I wanted it to happen so bad, but he lives 2.5 hours away. So over Christmas break, my aunt offered me the chance to come live with her in Pickering, Ontario (45 minutes from Toronto) and I jumped at the chance to get out of the Maritimes.
Now, Five months later, John and I are still seeing one another every other weekend and I really do not want things to end. I'm so confused about what I want and what he wants and the more I want things to work out, the more I see that the odds are against us. He doesn't like the distance thing already but add in a couple more hours and however many miles and it's just that much worse. If it were 100% up to me, I would keep things going, but if he's just not in it with me, then there's no point.
He's so amazing though. I think that's what makes this so hard. When I'm with him, I feel like I'm a better person. I know this sounds stupid for only knowing him like for like six months, but I can't help it. He's smart, funny, kind, generous, the list really goes on and on. And I know it's stupid for me to say that I'll never find someone who makes me feel the way that he makes me feel, because I'm only 20 but what if I kind of don't want to find someone else? If I didn't sound like a love-struck cheerleader falling for the captain of the football team back in the 50's then I don't know what it was. haha.
I really just wish I could see into the future, just a couple of months .. just to see what happens, so I know enough to prepare myself for the heartache that seems inevitable.
Love,
B
*Names are changed.
Breathing New Life
So, Everytime I start a blog, I never stick with it.
And I mean never. I've have countless blogs all over the blogosphere, none of which have lasted longer than a year. Mostly because I don't get any feedback, and don't know if anyone reads or cares about what I write.
But now, I kind of think I'd like to just write/blog for me. Yes, If you're reading this, thank you and I appreciate your feedback!!, but this blog is mine, and I should write because I want to, not because I want someone to read it.
So, I'm hereby stating that I'm going to try to keep this blog alive. To blog about my life, the things & people involved and all the going-ons of my life. Names will be changed, just to protect the innocent parties, unless of course I get their permission but the places will all be real. The name changing thing is also to kind of protect myself, as of course I won't know who reads this.
But anyway, I'm starting to ramble, and I've got to finish some things for my Marketing class.
If there's anyone reading this right now, thank you and keep reading!
Love,
B
And I mean never. I've have countless blogs all over the blogosphere, none of which have lasted longer than a year. Mostly because I don't get any feedback, and don't know if anyone reads or cares about what I write.
But now, I kind of think I'd like to just write/blog for me. Yes, If you're reading this, thank you and I appreciate your feedback!!, but this blog is mine, and I should write because I want to, not because I want someone to read it.
So, I'm hereby stating that I'm going to try to keep this blog alive. To blog about my life, the things & people involved and all the going-ons of my life. Names will be changed, just to protect the innocent parties, unless of course I get their permission but the places will all be real. The name changing thing is also to kind of protect myself, as of course I won't know who reads this.
But anyway, I'm starting to ramble, and I've got to finish some things for my Marketing class.
If there's anyone reading this right now, thank you and keep reading!
Love,
B
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