Recollecting.

I've started thinking about my life and what I want to do with it and the people who truely matter. Over the last couple years since high school, I've lost and gained so many friends and the ones that have stuck around I know will be there for a good long time, and I'm truely gratiful to each and every one of them. Each of them has made an impact on my life, whether it'd be negative or positive but they have all shown me things and taught me things I wouldn't have found out about if situations were different.

'What ifs' have been running through my mind for a couple days. What if I had went back to Memorial this past academic year? Would I still be friends with Jennifer? Would have I become close to Christopher? Would I be here, in Toronto, having the time of my life? And of course, all of those statement produce they're own set of 'what ifs' and it's just a vicious cycle from there.

I'm so lucky to have made the right choices so far for me. Some of the choices sucked at the time, but when really thinking about them, I've come to conclude that I've done what's best for me, and in the end, I need to focus on me, my needs, my wants and my future. The supporting actors & actresses in my life are just as important in the play of my life but in the end, the focus is on the main character, me. I need to do what's right for me and just hope that everything turns out the way I hope it will.

Finally!

So, when I left off last, I was still boo-hooing over him.
And since then, I've finally found a job at American Eagle which I adore, working with people that are amazing and I'm so happy! Going to work is never boring and it's not something I dred doing which is always a plus. Also, I got 43 hours my first week so hellllo big paycheck! : )

We went to the ROM yesterday which was so much fun! I love museums! I'm going to post a little video on youtube of some short clips I took of random things, and I'll post it up on here, haha.

Well, it's nearly suppertime, and I should get up from my nap!
I'll post again soon, I hope everyone's doing well : )

Love,
♥B

Time, You're a Dirty Whore.

Tonight is such an emo night.

Today was going sooo good until I logged into facebook and saw pictures of him.
It made me miss him all over again.
I was fine with sending messages back and forth, but see pictures of him on my news feed was a whole different story. I really thought that I would be fine but it turns out that I'm not.

I'm not ready for what we had to be finished.
I wonder if he feels the same.

Love,
B

No day but today.

So, it finally happened.
I'm moved to Ontario & John and I broke up.

While I'm so excited to be here, my heart is broken knowing that I won't see him for two months, and that when I get back to the Maritimes, I won't have him as an emotional support. I know we're going to stay in touch and continue to be friends, but it's going to be hard going from what we have/had to being friends. I'm not sure how well that will work.

Well, more updating later, I've still got to unpack and do some laundry.

Love,
B

don't worry, you're not alone.

Finally,
I'm spending my final night here in Moncton.
I can not explain how happy I am to be finally leaving this place.
I am going to miss some people, and I wish I had gotten closer to people sooner, but that's life and you work with what you're given. Overall, this year wasn't a complete waste. I had a huge falling out with a (best) friend / roommate in the fall, only to have two awesome people move in to replace her. I met John, had an amazing time with him, and who knows what the future holds for us, but I'm gradually coming to accept that whatever happens, happens and I'm happy and blessed to have had him in my life. I've gotten close to a couple people here and I will be sad to leave them, but I'm sure I'll be back next year to party a bit, haha.

So, it's onto Halifax tomorrow afternoon, maybe for the last time for a while. Well, definitely not for 2 months, but after that, I'm not sure what's going to happen. I thought of all the things I was willing to do to make this work, ie: work two maybe three jobs this summer, buy a car, etc just to be with him and I realized that realistically, I would be doing all those things for the wrong reasons. I should be thinking about me right now, my needs, and my goals and if that means not being in a relationship with someone I truly care deeply for, then I've got a tough decision to make.

Hopefully, these next couple days will be absolutely amazing and wonderful and then Monday we can talk about what the future is. I'm hoping for the best but I think I've prepared myself as best as I can for the worst. It will truly be a sad goodbye, just hopefully not forever.

Love,
B